Lessons From a Shake'n Bake Bag - Part 1

It happens with quite a bit of frequency that I wander around the grocery store in awe and bewilderment at the choices I have when choosing something for dinner.  Sometimes I wish, and only for a moment, that our supermarkets in North America were akin to those of the Soviet Union during the height of the 'Cold War' - where options were limited to a loaf of bread, the leftover cheese that none of your comrades found desirable and a jar of pickled mystery vegetables (whatever had been bountiful in the hinterland that year).  Am I complaining about being a gluttonous westerner spoiled for choice?  Not on your hammer and sickle......but, after the 30th minute of aimless, hopeless, confused, exhausted wandering around my nearest Main Street Disneyland groceryplex, I break into a Russian accent and start lamenting all things glasnost and perestroika.

However, last night was not one of those nights.  I entered the war-zone with a battle plan.  An earlier-in-the-day bout of nostalgia for simpler days growing up on the farm had left me with a bit of a craving for Shake'n Bake chicken and I literally had mapped out my route through the endless aisles of my local Safeway - get in, get out, shake, bake and enjoy!  

Now, I'm not usually a proponent of venturing into the middle aisles of processed, boxed, canned, heavily-marketed 'foods' (although, on occasion, I have been known to enjoy a Nature Valley Sweet 'n' Salty peanut granola bar....apparently all things tasty and delicious have to have a name with two words separated by a shortened 'and'), but sacrifices must be made.  

Little did I know, but times have changed since my youth and there is no longer one choice when it comes to Shake 'n' Bake.  My 'in and out' plan?  Out the window.  

Now, there is a veritable cornucopia of Shakes'n Bakes...uhh.....Shakes'n Bake......hrrmmm......Shake'n Bakes.  Apparently, while I wasn't paying attention, the 'chefs' (aka scientists - the same ones who bring you Cheese Whiz and Kraft Singles, both grey before coloring and one carbon away from being plastic) in the Kraft kitchen have been aspiring to greater Shake'n Bake heights.  The list reads like a chicken wing menu at your favourite neighborhood pub - teriyaki, lemon pepper, honey garlic, bbq.  And, they've even gone so far as to throw pork and fish into the mix.  Rockin' my world, Kraft!!

After closely investigating my three shelves of Shake'n Bake options, I decided to re-live my youth and go with 'Original Crispy'.  If it was good enough for my Mom, then it's good enough for me!

As I entered my kitchen, I'm not gonna lie, I was a little gitty with anticipation.  Two hands aren't even enough to count the number of years since my last enjoyment of chicken coated in salty, crispy, crumbly goodness.  I opened up the box with reckless abandon to find two packages of coating and two plastic bags (vitally important in achieving the shaking part of the two part Shake'n Bake process).  I hurriedly unpacked the chicken, pre-heated the oven, emptied the coating mixture into the bag and prepared myself for some serious interactive cooking.  I will be the first to admit that I was filled with an untold amount of glee (that's right, glee) as I shook and shook and shook....yes....yes.....YES!!!  Only in Kindergarten, at the 'Water and Sand Table' had I ever had this much fun with a plastic bag.  And, that's when it happened.  

While shaking with the aforementioned reckless abandon and living inside my mind for a few moments, the bottom of the bag suddenly broke away and spilled a half-coated boneless, skinless chicken breast and the rest of its contents onto my kitchen floor.  Immediately, the fun-ride came to a screetching halt and I stood there, I'm sure, looking like a kid whose ice cream had just taken a suicidal leap from the comfortable cradle of its cone to the hot, black pavement below.

To be continued.....